17 February 2019
Daily Dozen Gratitude List #28
Feeling adverbial today. In screenwriting, there’s a term used to describe the overuse of adverbs indicating how a character delivers a given line, nicknamed “wryly.” Something to use sparingly and judiciously (she said wryly). And I will sometimes self-edit an out-loud statement with such parentheticals (she said confessingly). That said, I am trying to consider how I act and react as I go through my day/week/hour/year, so am grateful for moments when I am able to achieve these adverbs to accompany my actions.
This is kind of a biggie, and a term that’s getting overused these days, cover of periodicals (there’s even a magazine called Mindful), over 150 books on Amazon with the word (coupled with eating, living, parenting, aging, communicating, teaching, mandala coloring, walking, running, moving, traveling, seeking… grieving), 4.56 million hits on Google (and 226 million for mindfulNESS). Which makes it easy to satirize, but mindfully has become a state I try to achieve throughout the day, considering what I do as I do it – part of being present, being aware. Both in interacting with myself (put my keys in the same place when I get home, savor the balance of sweetness and tartness offered by blueberries mixed in with oatmeal, appreciate the way a mug of tea warms my hands on a chilly morning) and in interacting with others, considering how what I do might affect those around me. It’s often easier to let my needs and state of mind interfere with this, so I’m grateful when I remember to pause and consider.
I took today’s photo when I attended the Multi Faith Storytelling Institute, and each of us placed an object on this table/altar, something representative of ourselves, our states of mind.
An aspirational adverb. There are ways I can be quite efficient, tho it feels more ways not. Grateful to remember to notice when I achieve this.
Sometimes I can overthink and over plan, and sometimes “over” planning is simply planning. But other times spur of the moment yields satisfying results, gets me out of stuck stick in the mud mode, and I’m grateful for the resulting experiences. An invite to see The Moth in a few hours? Well hey, yes I can! Join our group of constellation healing, and head home a couple hours later? count me in.
For a long time after my losses, joyfully did not feel like an option for anything. I could not dance or sing exuberantly, I could not enjoy myself period, because Eitan, Larry were no longer around to have the option to appreciate life, and I’d be betraying them to be happy. I did what I did to get through my days. In fact, that time in that first year is a blur, and I don’t want to ponder it too thoroughly now to remember what it felt like because the initial pain is so searing and raw. A little over a year after they left, I had a cathartic experience that I wrote about (you can find it in my fb feed in the entry for 8.21.2014: Seventy-nine weeks, or in my blog eitansternrobbins.wordpress.com for the same date), in which I witnessed a teenager recovering from a seizure he had had in the middle of the street at a crafts fair. Somehow, that experience brought me to a different place, a place where I could hike, bike, walk, cook with joy in those and other activities, and know it would not diminish the love and honor I feel toward my gone son and partner. That joyfully is OK for me now.
It’s important to stand up for yourself – but at the same time not step on toes while you’re doing so. I appreciate when I am able to find this balance.
Embracing what I love, enjoying with passion, expressing the thoughts and activities with delight.
Vociferousness can be great, but it can also be too much. Sometimes a quieter expression of encouraging emotions can be more effective and appealing. Again, awareness is helpful here.
Those moments of inspiration, in writing, in painting, in taking photos, in cooking, putting ingredients together in a new way, words that express in a pleasing order, a slice of life on camera, colors and textures on a canvas in a way that resonates…
Another aspirational one. Yoga certainly helps with this, deep breaths when plans don’t go as planned, to be interactive rather than reactive.
Part of my sense of humor, and I’m grateful when others get it, and when I experience it from others.
While this can have slightly negative connotations, I couldn’t think of a better word to express the act of sticking to something and getting it done, and continuing to pursue that goal. I’ve acted tenaciously in some parts of my life; working to apply that tenacity to other parts where it’s easier to not stick to it, and remember that I can do this.
“Have some rachmanes, compassion” Larry once said to me, when I complained to him about someone who was acting in a way I found annoying, someone who also had recently been diagnosed with cancer. Full stop, we don’t know what we don’t know, as a friend once said. I realized I couldn’t dismiss this major challenge in their life and had to ease up, let go of my need to be right. Kindness is always better.